Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve learned a lot lately about God’s faithfulness. It’s been a great past couple of weeks, and I’ve just been absolutely amazed by what God has done. Let me give you a little bit of backstory:

I’ve spent a good part of the last year preparing to go off to college this fall. It’s been a hectic journey, and I’ve faced some pretty tough choices. To make a long story short, I decided back in June not to go to the one school I’d applied to. It was a hard thing to do, because I’d had my heart set on it. But I just felt like God was telling me that he wanted me somewhere else. And so I applied to Ozark Christian College, three hours closer to home, and half as expensive. After making that decision, I was pushing full steam ahead to make sure everything was done before move in, August 15th. While in the (fairly lengthy) process of researching school scholarships, grants and loans, I found that if I did indeed enroll this fall, I would probably graduate with about $30,000 of debt, but if I waited a year, there was a possibility I could graduate debt-free. So there I was again, saying, “God, what is it you want me to be doing? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve me being in school.”

So, that’s the backstory. I’d make a plan, and then I’d feel God say “not yet.” So I’d make another plan, and then I’d hear “not that either.”

It’s an interesting feeling knowing that you shouldn’t go through with your own plans, but not knowing what you are supposed to do instead. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait too long. I got an email about a month ago detailing a job possibility that would require one year of service, would pay pretty well, and would certify and train me so that it will be considerably easier to get a job once in school in a new city. I got the job. Then I got another email from a company that I applied to last year, asking if I was still available for a few hours a week. So now I have two jobs! I am so excited, and totally overwhelmed!

I can see now what I couldn’t see even a few months ago: This is where I am supposed to be for now. Life is such an amazing gift, and I am so glad that I do not have to navigate it alone. I know that God will take me where he wants me to be, and that his plans are infinitely more colorful and bright and amazing than anything I could ever dream up. I love that.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

~ Romans 15:13

27 things

What makes you happy? As a family project, my mom, brother and I sat down and wrote out a list of things we like, or things that make us happy. It was a fun project that I've done a couple of times. Here is one of my lists:

the color green
a smiling baby
going barefoot
fresh blueberries
chiming church bells
the grandfather clock that stands in my grandfather’s house
a hot cup of tea
pretty tea cups
hiking
visiting farmers market on a Saturday morning
a good book
receiving letters
fair trade chocolate
emily dickinson poetry
the smell of freshly cut grass
standing in a field as a thunderstorm breaks loose
naps
music
dancing
stories
family history stories
thick accents
big family dinners
a secret spot
finding a new favorite book
people watching

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love... I love... I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” ~Pride and Prejudice

Ode to Childhood

Our days were carefree and light,
And as we ran through meadows bright,  
Our laughter floated free

Our shoes lay abandoned,
feet flying loose.
We chased our dreams like
Butterflies flitting,
Out of reach, but never out of sight

and when the day was done,
We would lay to rest all  
Aches and Joys and Troubles and Laughter,

Knowing that when next we opened our eyes,
a new dream would be waiting,
Happiness and Innocence at our sides

Those were the days when
our souls were Unmarred and
Unrestrained, like birds
Soaring through the skies.

And as we lived, we grew,
were Molded and Shaped
into the people God knew
we could be.

And though those times of carefree bliss
may never again return,
we shall Forever cling to their memories,
And carry their echoes
Deep within our hearts.

To Granddad on Father's Day

This is the time of the
Next generation - a young
person’s world.

My Grandfather’s Faith,
knowledge and passion,
a life devoted
to spreading never-ending life,
must coexist with the
Village Atheist

But we want more:
Symbiosis in its
raw form

We carry the energy,
but he has what
We have yet
to attain,

A Knowledge that comes
only with time.
Multi-generational faith built
on Bonds

Of Trust
and Truth
and Light,

And so I thank Him
for his perseverance,
and know that
future Generations have
been Blessed.

We are a part of a sea of faces.
Society says “Coexist, but don’t let the walls down.”
Everyone to his own, and keep to yourself.  
Normalcy exists only if your problems become
secrets in the closet, shut and locked.
Ignore and be ignored.
This is our life.

Souls cry for someone to look behind the curtain
See the heart shrouded in hidden secrets
Unshared joy, pain, life:
Waiting to be understood

We fight to live by the rules of a society that could never exist
fit in with us or stay away is the anthem
A battle cry against anyone who dares to challenge

People covered by issues,
turned into monsters in the eyes of the world
Bombarded by standards they can’t meet.

Souls begging to be seen past the scales,
Underneath the rough exterior is your neighbor
Human, longing for what is “normal”

Take for granted what she will seek but never find:
acceptance, sanction and love

And as we shun,
They slowly die
Our callous hearts kill,
but as we kill, we die.
for no one is free,

The issues in our own hearts
will poison our blood
we say they are messed up,
but we are the same!

Our only pride is that we can hide it,
but our souls know better,
accusing us of what we don’t want to admit.

We have always been flawed.

And as we cry our denial,
the world slowly dies.

A few strong rise to the top,
we will not let this conquer us!
We will defy the odds,
Come out stronger.

We have met our secret weapon.
And with him at our side,
we conquer our fears
Truth, real Truth has set us free.

And as we yell our battle cry,
we see that we must spread this Knowledge

And so we set out, one battle down, and on to win the War.

GE Reagan Foundation Scholarship Essay

This is the essay I submitted for the GE Reagan Foundation scholarship. Although I didn't get the scholarship, (I'm one of the 9,985 not the 15,) I really do like this paper. -Enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is chilly today. As I stand at the top of the Capitol steps, I look out over a sea of 4000 heads and shoulders bundled in hats and scarves. I am here for the annual Arkansas March for Life. Today, the old meets the new. Today, the march does not end at the bottom of the Capitol steps for me; I walk all the way up. For the first time, I’m here to speak. I remember going to these rallies as a little girl; I remember getting excited as the steps of the Capitol finally came into sight. I smile as I think of how much shorter the walk is, now that I’m older.

You might think that any seventeen-year-old willing (or crazy enough) to speak at a large rally would want to go into public speaking, but I don’t want a speaking career.There’s so much more I want to do.

Even as a child, I wanted to make a difference in others’ lives. I was eleven when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I organized fundraisers, and convinced my friends to send their birthday money to Christian Relief Fund for recovery efforts. It was my first experience encouraging others to work for a worthy cause, and I felt as if we were going to change the world.

I still want to change the world, one person at a time. I help care for my autistic brother, who is my only sibling. As impossible as it sometimes seems, we work toward the goal that someday he will be able to live independently. He is a reason I want to work with children who have disabilities. Specifically, I want to go into deaf education. I want to inspire the kids I work with to reach their full potential, and in turn, to reach out to others.

My cue to speak has just been given. I step to the podium, and can feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins; not because I’m nervous, but because I’m excited. I’ve been on stages before; years of competitive Irish dancing and piano recitals have seen to that. Even little performances and competitions have always made me unbelievably nervous in the past; I don’t understand why I’m so calm now. Then it hits me: this time, it’s not about me. I’m not here to win an award, or impress anyone. Today I simply want to encourage my generation to become involved. This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was little.

I volunteer for a non-profit organization called 40 Days for Life. Volunteers stand outside abortion clinics and pray every day for forty days. We pray that the abortion clinic will shut down. We pray for the women entering. We pray for the end of abortion in America. In five years, over 5,000 lives have been reported spared, and 21 abortion facilities have closed following local 40 Days campaigns. These are lives saved, and they are the reason I have chosen to take action. Even if I don’t ever know how many lives I’ve touched, if there is any possibility that I can make a difference, I’m going to do it. I cannot be silent when so much is at stake. I want my voice to be heard.

I can’t predict what will happen in the future, but these things I know: I will never join the cast of Riverdance, or wow audiences in Carnegie Hall with my piano playing. I also know that if I work hard, I can have a lasting impact in my community, and in our nation. In the movie Amazing Grace, William Pitt says, “We're too young to realize certain things are impossible, so we will do them anyway.”

My vision of calling my generation to action, and leading others in changing the world may seem unrealistic, but I know that we can limit ourselves by what we think is possible, thus never realizing our own full potential.

My leadership experience is not measured by the number of awards I’ve won, or by projects created, but by hearts and minds changed, and ultimately, lives saved.

So on this day, I stand facing the crowd, confident in the knowledge that I have risen to take action. I will keep on working because I know influence isn’t an all-powerful gun that will win the war, but the spark that must be tended until it kindles a flame in the hearts of those around us.

A Table for Two

This is a scholarship essay that I wrote following the prompt, if you could have dinner with any three people in the world, who would it be and why?  -Enjoy! (BTW, I got the scholarship. :)) 

I sit alone in an old cafe. It’s crowded and the live music isn’t always on key, but the atmosphere is great. Although it’s busy, I know that I will be able to sit and think without feeling rushed. My notebook is open, and I begin to scribble.

After a while, I look up and notice a guy approaching my table. I stare, completely incredulous. I have just finished making a list of role models, and his name is at the top.

“Hi, do you mind if I join you?” His inflection shows hesitancy.

“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, yeah, have a seat.” I stumble over my words, trying to act calm.

The teenager sitting across from me is Zach Hunter. He is a modern day abolitionist, author, and speaker, working to bring attention to those around the world who are enslaved. I read Zach’s first book when I was thirteen. He made an impression on me because he has shown by example what can be accomplished by being ready and willing to help others. He started a non-profit to help free slaves after he found out that there are more slaves in the world today than there were during the trans-Atlantic slave trade. 

“I’m sorry, have we met?” he asks, smiling. I realize I’m staring.

“No, I’ve read your books.” I smile back, embarrassed. “I’m Lauren. Lauren Hayden.”

“Nice to meet you.”

I look down at my notebook; I’ve just remembered that his name is written in bold letters at the top of the page, very much in plain sight. I wonder if he’s noticed it; I look up, he has.

“Actually, I’ve been writing this afternoon. I decided to make a list of people I’d enjoy meeting. You know, the ‘If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be?’ scenario. And, um, you’re on my list.” I grin sheepishly.

“Wow, that’s cool. Who else is on your list? Maybe they’ll randomly show up too.” He looks bemused.

“Well, actually, they’re dead.” If he didn’t think me crazy before, he does now. “But it’s Corrie ten Boom and William Wilberforce.”

“Wilberforce the abolitionist, politician, and brilliant orator? Him?” He seems excited. “And Corrie ten Boom, the woman who survived a concentration camp?” He knows them both. For some reason, that makes me feel better.

“Yes! I think they had an impact on so many people, and that you have, too. One of my dreams is to be a positive influence in the world in what I do and say.

“Wilberforce was an obvious choice because he was such a strong example of perseverance. He spent almost all of his life fighting for the abolition of slavery in England.”

“Did you know that he actually lived to see slavery outlawed in England, but died three days after the law was passed?” Zach asks. “And Corrie was such an incredible woman! She once said ‘Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.’”

“Wow, that really illustrates what I’ve learned about her! She lived what she believed. She opened refuge homes for concentration camp survivors and jobless Dutch after the war ended. She also spoke publicly about her experiences hiding Jews and living in concentration camps, and even shared about her journey to forgiving the guards in the concentration camps. I think that was the difference between her and many others that have been through traumatic events. She knew that our greatest tool to help our friends, as well as our strongest weapon against our enemies, is love.”

“So you’ve chosen both Wilberforce and Corrie ten Boom because they devoted their lives to what they believed. I like that.” He understands. 

“Zach, that’s why I put you on my list too. Do you remember the movie Amazing Grace, about Wilberforce? Well, in it, William Pitt says, “We're too young to realize certain things are impossible, so we will do them anyway.” You are living that out. By the world’s standards, you’re still a kid, and yet you’ve already accomplished so much! And you have a quality about you; so much passion, so much...life.” He laughs, but it’s true.

“Well, I’m honored to be in such company as William Wilberforce and Corrie ten Boom. I--”

“Ma’am?” A waitress interrupts Zach. She smiles apologetically. “I’m sorry to wake you...but we’re closing.” I look up. I’m alone at the table. As I look across the room, I realize I must have fallen asleep. I grin as I think about how cool it would be to meet my heroes. But I know that it’s okay if I never have the opportunity, because their lives have already changed mine. They have helped me understand that influence isn’t an all-powerful gun that will win the war, but the spark that must be tended until it kindles a flame in the hearts of those around us.

the sun has sunk through amber and rose colored clouds
as the day comes to an end, night comes alive
inky skies and pinpricks of light take the land
the hunters of the night awake
the land is theirs now, and they are kings  
gone are the small creatures frolicking through the fields,
now the wolf slinks through the grass
the owl opens his eyes
bats emerge and cicadas cry
Intoxicating peace, beautiful melody
broken! a sharp cry fills the air
end of one life to sustain another,
survival of the fittest
calm returns, turns
intoxicating peace prevails
night

To stand and breathe is heaven.
Smells mingle together,
cut grass and warm spring rain,
Honeysuckle and dogwood-

Green leaves open to the sky,
silently declaring that all is right with the world

As children race outside,
Fairies dance their springtime jig,
All rush to escape the clutches of a long winter

Birds chirp as they build a new home,
Ants begin their scavenger hunt anew,

Laughter fills the air as
All the earth cries in unison,
“All is well! All is well!”

and as the twilight approaches,
we add our chorus:  
Thank you God
for the blessing of this day.

At the Ocean
Fledgling gulls, we wander the land,
our first flights now at hand,
Sand soon to be a distant thought,

as wings take flight,
Hot sun ever nearer,
Mother never dearer,
than as she teaches us
Freedom comes with love of sea

Life drums through our wings,  
we will fly and touch the sky
and smell the drops that downward fall
soon the heavens will cry
their children are wayward, they begin to maul
the earth with waves and wind,
light-house unmanned, ships bend
rocks creating graves,

and as we seek refuge, we see that life moves on:
convex, concave,  
the earth finds shape,
we mirror the Sun as
a new day dawns.

Reality? Check!

As some of you know, I spent last weekend at WWU, registering for classes, etc. The weekend was kind of a reality check for me. I spent 36ish hours with a bunch of really worldly college students, and even in the short time I was there, I could feel a huge difference in the atmosphere. It made me realize that I really take a lot for granted. There is such a contrast between the world I live in currently, and "the real world." But I can also see that I don't want to be "of that world," and my life thus far has been wonderfully void of the kind of worldliness I saw.

The contrast between the lifestyle I saw on campus Friday and Saturday, and the people I saw Sunday was kind of crazy. It really reminded me of what a wonderful thing it is to have such a great God to worship, and honestly I can't even imagine what it would be like to live without even the belief of something greater than ourselves.

All that to say, I have just had a major reality check.

Fast forward from Friday to Friday. It's been a week since my WWU visit, and it's been a week of reflecting. As I was getting dressed this morning, I was listening to one of my favorite albums, It is Well, by Kutless. The last track of the album, I have undoubtedly heard a million and two times, but this time, the song really stopped me. The song says:

If all my world was swept away
Would You be enough for me?
Would my beating heart still sing?

If I lost it all
Would my hands stay lifted
To the God who gives and takes away

If You take it all
This life You've given
Still my heart will sing to You

When my life is not what I expected
The plans I made have failed
When there's nothing left to steal me away
Will You be enough for me?
Will my broken heart still sing?

I guess subconsciously, I've always agreed with the song. ..If I lost all my stuff, and my house, I'd still be a Christian. If something bad happened, I'd get though it.

Today though, a question popped into my head. "What if there's another meaning?"

It's just been established in my mind that the atmosphere at WWU will be very different than the one I've lived in all of my life. To some extent, I will be living in a toxic environment. What if the lyrics read,

"If I lose the Christian atmosphere, the safe Home, the Godly friends, and my World was taken away, WOULD I STILL LIFT MY HANDS TO GOD?"

It's a hard question. I got to thinking about the story of Joseph, and Potiphar's house. I'm just taking a stab out there, but I kind of don't think that he was in the best environment too. But the interesting thing about the story, is it doesn't mention that. What it does say is:

"The LORD was with Joseph so that he prospered . . .When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant . . . the LORD blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the LORD was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field."

The atmosphere in College may be less than desirable, but God is bigger than even that. I find that comforting.

Cheers!
Lauren

Sprouts!

We've been growing sprouts! It's really easy, and quite fun. The first two pictures are day two of our experiment. The last two are day six. Well, half of  them anyway. The sprouts grew so much we had to separate them into two jars! 

Cheers,

Lauren 

short story

I had to write the first page of a short story for a creative writing class I'm taking. I've never really done a lot of fictional writing, so this was a fun challenge. I thought I'd share what I came up with. [=

~~~
You know those stories that they show on the christian tv stations, the ones about the Christians held captive by oppressive governments? The kinds of stories that you see and say, “Oh, I’ll pray for them,” and then never do. I can’t stand to watch those. My friends used to tell me that they were all scams run to get donations from grannies, but that’s not why I hate the programs. --I hate them because they never get people to do anything. “Here’s a problem, do you want to see if we could maybe, I don’t know, possibly, kind of help just a little?” If you really knew what kind of situations these people actually faced you’d be knocking down doors to help.

It all started when I took the semester to study abroad in Kenya. We were working extra hard because we had to stay caught up in our honors courses, and complete the foreign language and culture classes. After an especially long week, we decided drive to see the Indian Ocean. All we wanted to do was have a fun time away from the village. It’s not like we were trying to convert the nations! We didn’t even know we had crossed the boarder into Somalia until the guards stopped us and we couldn’t cross back over.

I guess they decided that we were a threat to society, or maybe they just wanted to send a message to the world because, well, let’s just say that I’m not welcome here. But I’m also not welcome to leave. As the leader of our outing, and class president of sorts, I’ve been deemed as unsafe to let go. I think that the others were only held for a couple of days, but they want to make us an example. As far as I know, I’ll be here forever. I’ve learned to rely on sounds. They are all that keep me from going mad in this room. It’s pitch black, no windows. I can hear the clanking of the doors along the corridor, and the footsteps of the guards changing posts. The daily scrape of my metal food pan sliding across the floor, and the occasional grunt of a guard on his rounds are the only break from the oppressive darkness. They are the only times I can imagine that there is life on the other side of the door. It’s too early for my meal, and certainly not time for rounds, so I am surprised to hear my cell door open. As light floods the cell, and a guard pushes a young man into my cell. Apparently I’m to have a roommate. The young man is bruised and has obviously recently sustained a beating. He collapses against the wall as the guard leaves. “Aren’t you going to welcome me into your wonderful abode?” His voice surprises me; it’s deep, rough, and American.
~~~

~So, what do you think? Should I continue with the story? I may use this for NaNoWriMo next year.

2012!

What a year it has been so far! I feel like I've been living a whirlwind of activity. Life has been great, busy, hard, fun, and complete chaos.

In January, I was asked to give a short plug for the National Right to Life Oratory Contest, and encourage teens to become involved in the fight against abortion at the state-wide March for Life in Little Rock. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal, except that there were probably around four thousand people there. It was a great experience! I feel like I learn a little more about myself, and about public speaking each time I do get to "speechify". Anyway, that was probably the biggest event of the month. --Other than turning eighteen. --Yeah, that's right! I'm a major now. :P

February was a huge month. On the tenth, we held our Senior Class Winter Formal. I helped decorate for it, and ended up spending around 6-8 hours with a few others getting the room ready. It was awesome, but also a little stressful beforehand.

I had a major scholarship application for the GE Reagan Foundation due on the seventeenth. It required a 500-750 word essay, and is worth approx. $40,000. But I probably won't know until almost June whether or not I will receive it.

I left for a leadership training camp in Little Rock on the 20th. It was a week-long fairly intensive class on government, including around 30 pages of pre-class homework, writing a resolution to debate in a mock legislature, and a political communications class. We were able to go to the capitol building every day, and even got to interview a few lobbyists. Honestly, they packed so much into one week, it's hard to list everything we did while there. ;)

On leap-day, I finished a second scholarship essay. It's not as important as the GE Reagan scholarship, but it's still very important.

I've also been swing dancing a couple of times this year! It's been super fun, and I've enjoyed getting back into that.

Although I've been busy, and really haven't had much time to sit and reflect, I feel like I've been changing. It's almost as if I'm morphing from one Lauren into the next Lauren. I'm still me, but I've learned so much and been stretched out of my comfort zone in so many ways, I just feel changed. I wonder if others will see it, or if I'm just changing on the inside.

Anyway, this post is mostly for me. I've been needing to just write, (crazy -- I've been writing all week, getting this scholarship essay written, and I still find that I have to write to decompress. I don't understand!)

So, if you find this post long and unimaginative, sorry! I'll write something more interesting later! Actually...I may post some scholarship essays soon. =)

Cheers!
~Lauren

Somehow, I always feel like I'm copping-out when I post videos. Yeah, I really do like the videos I post, but I just feel as if I'm saying "Here, watch this. I have nothing of importance to say, but this is kind of interesting."  NOT SO, in this case. Well, unless you count the I have nothing of importance to say part...Anyway, this video is really really worth watching. It says so much in just 4 minutes. If you can't watch it now, please save it and watch it later.

Cheers,
Lauren 



Post Script: After watching this a few more times, I've come to see that while I totally agree with what he says, he is very much the type of person to come across differently depending on your age and background. While I see what he says to mean one thing, someone else could just as easily watch it and take it in a very different way. The only difference is our point of view. Enjoy!

The new year will be grand!

Cheers,
Lauren