when you can't sleep, write poetry

Roaring Rush of Water

Slippery, Unbalanced.

Life stripped of masks,

This Is me.

Imperfect, Free

Beautiful sights

Conversation striped with

Fear. Anticipation. Excitement.

Adrenaline Rush

Air

Water

One kick to the surface

Freedom.

I'm not Superwoman.

There is a certain phrase that has gone through my head a lot in the last couple of weeks. The phrase is “I’m not Superwoman.” It’s come to mind mostly on days that just haven’t gone quite as smoothly as they could have. Now, I don’t say that to excuse my many mistakes, or because I don’t believe “superhero” teachers exist. I know for a fact that there are some incredible teachers who seem to be prepared for anything, and can handle pretty much any situation. I say that I am not Superwoman because I know that I am not the most incredible teacher out there. I acknowledge that I make mistakes, and that I’m learning, and that I have a lot to learn. I say I’m not Superwoman because I am okay with being a 100% totally average mistake-making person. I am learning and growing through my experiences and I love that! I don’t say I’m not Superwoman because I feel like a failure, I say it because perfection isn’t my goal. Growth is my goal.

2.23.13

We live in a world of artificial light
ignoring the sun, though it still shines bright.
We say we are invincible,
we are self-made men,
but when the lights grow dim,
what will we do then?

Will we quit worshiping Stars,
and admit our need for the Son,
Or continue on till our bodies are done?

Will we parade around,
blind leading blind
till our bodies become nothing but dust and grime?

Or will we see there is more to life;
there is freedom to be had
if we simply strive.

This is the cry of a people
who live for the time when the future becomes present
and the past goes away.

Our cry is simple,
we ask but one thing:

Live a life worth living,
live every second well,
waste no time
and then there will be stories to tell.

the future starts tomorrow,
but you,
start living today.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve learned a lot lately about God’s faithfulness. It’s been a great past couple of weeks, and I’ve just been absolutely amazed by what God has done. Let me give you a little bit of backstory:

I’ve spent a good part of the last year preparing to go off to college this fall. It’s been a hectic journey, and I’ve faced some pretty tough choices. To make a long story short, I decided back in June not to go to the one school I’d applied to. It was a hard thing to do, because I’d had my heart set on it. But I just felt like God was telling me that he wanted me somewhere else. And so I applied to Ozark Christian College, three hours closer to home, and half as expensive. After making that decision, I was pushing full steam ahead to make sure everything was done before move in, August 15th. While in the (fairly lengthy) process of researching school scholarships, grants and loans, I found that if I did indeed enroll this fall, I would probably graduate with about $30,000 of debt, but if I waited a year, there was a possibility I could graduate debt-free. So there I was again, saying, “God, what is it you want me to be doing? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve me being in school.”

So, that’s the backstory. I’d make a plan, and then I’d feel God say “not yet.” So I’d make another plan, and then I’d hear “not that either.”

It’s an interesting feeling knowing that you shouldn’t go through with your own plans, but not knowing what you are supposed to do instead. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait too long. I got an email about a month ago detailing a job possibility that would require one year of service, would pay pretty well, and would certify and train me so that it will be considerably easier to get a job once in school in a new city. I got the job. Then I got another email from a company that I applied to last year, asking if I was still available for a few hours a week. So now I have two jobs! I am so excited, and totally overwhelmed!

I can see now what I couldn’t see even a few months ago: This is where I am supposed to be for now. Life is such an amazing gift, and I am so glad that I do not have to navigate it alone. I know that God will take me where he wants me to be, and that his plans are infinitely more colorful and bright and amazing than anything I could ever dream up. I love that.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

~ Romans 15:13

27 things

What makes you happy? As a family project, my mom, brother and I sat down and wrote out a list of things we like, or things that make us happy. It was a fun project that I've done a couple of times. Here is one of my lists:

the color green
a smiling baby
going barefoot
fresh blueberries
chiming church bells
the grandfather clock that stands in my grandfather’s house
a hot cup of tea
pretty tea cups
hiking
visiting farmers market on a Saturday morning
a good book
receiving letters
fair trade chocolate
emily dickinson poetry
the smell of freshly cut grass
standing in a field as a thunderstorm breaks loose
naps
music
dancing
stories
family history stories
thick accents
big family dinners
a secret spot
finding a new favorite book
people watching

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love... I love... I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” ~Pride and Prejudice

Ode to Childhood

Our days were carefree and light,
And as we ran through meadows bright,  
Our laughter floated free

Our shoes lay abandoned,
feet flying loose.
We chased our dreams like
Butterflies flitting,
Out of reach, but never out of sight

and when the day was done,
We would lay to rest all  
Aches and Joys and Troubles and Laughter,

Knowing that when next we opened our eyes,
a new dream would be waiting,
Happiness and Innocence at our sides

Those were the days when
our souls were Unmarred and
Unrestrained, like birds
Soaring through the skies.

And as we lived, we grew,
were Molded and Shaped
into the people God knew
we could be.

And though those times of carefree bliss
may never again return,
we shall Forever cling to their memories,
And carry their echoes
Deep within our hearts.