Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make straight your paths.

~Proverbs 3:5-6

I’ve learned a lot lately about God’s faithfulness. It’s been a great past couple of weeks, and I’ve just been absolutely amazed by what God has done. Let me give you a little bit of backstory:

I’ve spent a good part of the last year preparing to go off to college this fall. It’s been a hectic journey, and I’ve faced some pretty tough choices. To make a long story short, I decided back in June not to go to the one school I’d applied to. It was a hard thing to do, because I’d had my heart set on it. But I just felt like God was telling me that he wanted me somewhere else. And so I applied to Ozark Christian College, three hours closer to home, and half as expensive. After making that decision, I was pushing full steam ahead to make sure everything was done before move in, August 15th. While in the (fairly lengthy) process of researching school scholarships, grants and loans, I found that if I did indeed enroll this fall, I would probably graduate with about $30,000 of debt, but if I waited a year, there was a possibility I could graduate debt-free. So there I was again, saying, “God, what is it you want me to be doing? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve me being in school.”

So, that’s the backstory. I’d make a plan, and then I’d feel God say “not yet.” So I’d make another plan, and then I’d hear “not that either.”

It’s an interesting feeling knowing that you shouldn’t go through with your own plans, but not knowing what you are supposed to do instead. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait too long. I got an email about a month ago detailing a job possibility that would require one year of service, would pay pretty well, and would certify and train me so that it will be considerably easier to get a job once in school in a new city. I got the job. Then I got another email from a company that I applied to last year, asking if I was still available for a few hours a week. So now I have two jobs! I am so excited, and totally overwhelmed!

I can see now what I couldn’t see even a few months ago: This is where I am supposed to be for now. Life is such an amazing gift, and I am so glad that I do not have to navigate it alone. I know that God will take me where he wants me to be, and that his plans are infinitely more colorful and bright and amazing than anything I could ever dream up. I love that.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. 

~ Romans 15:13

27 things

What makes you happy? As a family project, my mom, brother and I sat down and wrote out a list of things we like, or things that make us happy. It was a fun project that I've done a couple of times. Here is one of my lists:

the color green
a smiling baby
going barefoot
fresh blueberries
chiming church bells
the grandfather clock that stands in my grandfather’s house
a hot cup of tea
pretty tea cups
hiking
visiting farmers market on a Saturday morning
a good book
receiving letters
fair trade chocolate
emily dickinson poetry
the smell of freshly cut grass
standing in a field as a thunderstorm breaks loose
naps
music
dancing
stories
family history stories
thick accents
big family dinners
a secret spot
finding a new favorite book
people watching

“You must know, surely you must know, it was all for you. You are too generous to trifle with me. I believe you spoke with my aunt last night, and it has taught me to hope as I'd scarcely allowed myself before. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes have not changed, but one word from you will silence me forever. If, however, your feelings have changed, I would have to tell you: you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love... I love... I love you. And I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” ~Pride and Prejudice

Ode to Childhood

Our days were carefree and light,
And as we ran through meadows bright,  
Our laughter floated free

Our shoes lay abandoned,
feet flying loose.
We chased our dreams like
Butterflies flitting,
Out of reach, but never out of sight

and when the day was done,
We would lay to rest all  
Aches and Joys and Troubles and Laughter,

Knowing that when next we opened our eyes,
a new dream would be waiting,
Happiness and Innocence at our sides

Those were the days when
our souls were Unmarred and
Unrestrained, like birds
Soaring through the skies.

And as we lived, we grew,
were Molded and Shaped
into the people God knew
we could be.

And though those times of carefree bliss
may never again return,
we shall Forever cling to their memories,
And carry their echoes
Deep within our hearts.

To Granddad on Father's Day

This is the time of the
Next generation - a young
person’s world.

My Grandfather’s Faith,
knowledge and passion,
a life devoted
to spreading never-ending life,
must coexist with the
Village Atheist

But we want more:
Symbiosis in its
raw form

We carry the energy,
but he has what
We have yet
to attain,

A Knowledge that comes
only with time.
Multi-generational faith built
on Bonds

Of Trust
and Truth
and Light,

And so I thank Him
for his perseverance,
and know that
future Generations have
been Blessed.

We are a part of a sea of faces.
Society says “Coexist, but don’t let the walls down.”
Everyone to his own, and keep to yourself.  
Normalcy exists only if your problems become
secrets in the closet, shut and locked.
Ignore and be ignored.
This is our life.

Souls cry for someone to look behind the curtain
See the heart shrouded in hidden secrets
Unshared joy, pain, life:
Waiting to be understood

We fight to live by the rules of a society that could never exist
fit in with us or stay away is the anthem
A battle cry against anyone who dares to challenge

People covered by issues,
turned into monsters in the eyes of the world
Bombarded by standards they can’t meet.

Souls begging to be seen past the scales,
Underneath the rough exterior is your neighbor
Human, longing for what is “normal”

Take for granted what she will seek but never find:
acceptance, sanction and love

And as we shun,
They slowly die
Our callous hearts kill,
but as we kill, we die.
for no one is free,

The issues in our own hearts
will poison our blood
we say they are messed up,
but we are the same!

Our only pride is that we can hide it,
but our souls know better,
accusing us of what we don’t want to admit.

We have always been flawed.

And as we cry our denial,
the world slowly dies.

A few strong rise to the top,
we will not let this conquer us!
We will defy the odds,
Come out stronger.

We have met our secret weapon.
And with him at our side,
we conquer our fears
Truth, real Truth has set us free.

And as we yell our battle cry,
we see that we must spread this Knowledge

And so we set out, one battle down, and on to win the War.

GE Reagan Foundation Scholarship Essay

This is the essay I submitted for the GE Reagan Foundation scholarship. Although I didn't get the scholarship, (I'm one of the 9,985 not the 15,) I really do like this paper. -Enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is chilly today. As I stand at the top of the Capitol steps, I look out over a sea of 4000 heads and shoulders bundled in hats and scarves. I am here for the annual Arkansas March for Life. Today, the old meets the new. Today, the march does not end at the bottom of the Capitol steps for me; I walk all the way up. For the first time, I’m here to speak. I remember going to these rallies as a little girl; I remember getting excited as the steps of the Capitol finally came into sight. I smile as I think of how much shorter the walk is, now that I’m older.

You might think that any seventeen-year-old willing (or crazy enough) to speak at a large rally would want to go into public speaking, but I don’t want a speaking career.There’s so much more I want to do.

Even as a child, I wanted to make a difference in others’ lives. I was eleven when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I organized fundraisers, and convinced my friends to send their birthday money to Christian Relief Fund for recovery efforts. It was my first experience encouraging others to work for a worthy cause, and I felt as if we were going to change the world.

I still want to change the world, one person at a time. I help care for my autistic brother, who is my only sibling. As impossible as it sometimes seems, we work toward the goal that someday he will be able to live independently. He is a reason I want to work with children who have disabilities. Specifically, I want to go into deaf education. I want to inspire the kids I work with to reach their full potential, and in turn, to reach out to others.

My cue to speak has just been given. I step to the podium, and can feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins; not because I’m nervous, but because I’m excited. I’ve been on stages before; years of competitive Irish dancing and piano recitals have seen to that. Even little performances and competitions have always made me unbelievably nervous in the past; I don’t understand why I’m so calm now. Then it hits me: this time, it’s not about me. I’m not here to win an award, or impress anyone. Today I simply want to encourage my generation to become involved. This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was little.

I volunteer for a non-profit organization called 40 Days for Life. Volunteers stand outside abortion clinics and pray every day for forty days. We pray that the abortion clinic will shut down. We pray for the women entering. We pray for the end of abortion in America. In five years, over 5,000 lives have been reported spared, and 21 abortion facilities have closed following local 40 Days campaigns. These are lives saved, and they are the reason I have chosen to take action. Even if I don’t ever know how many lives I’ve touched, if there is any possibility that I can make a difference, I’m going to do it. I cannot be silent when so much is at stake. I want my voice to be heard.

I can’t predict what will happen in the future, but these things I know: I will never join the cast of Riverdance, or wow audiences in Carnegie Hall with my piano playing. I also know that if I work hard, I can have a lasting impact in my community, and in our nation. In the movie Amazing Grace, William Pitt says, “We're too young to realize certain things are impossible, so we will do them anyway.”

My vision of calling my generation to action, and leading others in changing the world may seem unrealistic, but I know that we can limit ourselves by what we think is possible, thus never realizing our own full potential.

My leadership experience is not measured by the number of awards I’ve won, or by projects created, but by hearts and minds changed, and ultimately, lives saved.

So on this day, I stand facing the crowd, confident in the knowledge that I have risen to take action. I will keep on working because I know influence isn’t an all-powerful gun that will win the war, but the spark that must be tended until it kindles a flame in the hearts of those around us.